Friday, June 18, 2010

The Arrival of Summer '10

One week down, roughly eleven more to go.

Summer vacay.  A time during which, in my youth, I would swim and play and ride my bike around town and just generally enjoy life.  I have very fond memories of summer vacation from when I was a lad.

Now I'm an adult - a stay-at-home-dad (SAHD) no less, and summer vacay means twelve weeks at home with an autistic 7-year old daughter and a <1-year old son.

Autism.

If the economy were better I would go back to work and put the kids in day-care at least part of the time, but day-care for autistic kids is really hard to find and really expensive.  Tack on the second kid and I need to pull down about $20,000 a year just to break even on full-time child-care.  Here in Michigan there are doctoral grads working as assistant-managers at Best Buy, so with my paltry B.A., chances at employment that doesn't involve manual labor for $7/hr. on 2nd-3rd shift are slim.

So here I am.

The first week was really tough, but next week is a partial (the girl-child's birthday is on Friday and her mother is taking Thursday and Friday off) and there are rumors floating around that the kids are going to their maternal grandparents' for a week after that.

The next full week, then, will be in July.  I can dig that.

*Cartoon ©Jeff Langcaon / Island Insights (Hawaii)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Hanna Montana and My Impending Doom

My daughter left for school this morning at 8:40am sharp.  We were watching The Disney Channel® before she left and I'm sad to say that it is now 3:02pm and The Disney Channel® is still on.  I don't have a good explanation for this.

I just watched an episode of Hanna Montana® (without sound) in which both Vicki Lawrence and Dolly Parton were featured (along with the curiosity Billy Ray Cyrus, of course).  I still haven't picked up on the blonde/brunette thing that Miley/Hannah has got going on - is it a Clark Kent/Superman sorta thing by which "fans" don't recognize that the two are one and the same (I love that gag BTW).  My daughter is going to be asking me these questions soon so I should probably drift on over to Wikipedia and brush up on the who's and what's of the Hanna Montana® program.  The idea of this scares me though because Miley Cyrus was probably born after I graduated from college which would bum me out something serious.

The thought of age has crossed my mind more often than usual recently.  I'm approaching a certain unnamed landmark age at which many men (and women) experience what has come to be known as the mid-life crisis, or the "trade-'er-in-on-a-younger-model" watershed.  I have to come up with a plan for this though because

  • I already own a Corvette
  • My marriage has been goofed up since the mid '00s so I can't really screw that up much worse
  • Although I like looking at younger women, they still don't come equipped with a remote control and a mute-button so that's out
  • I don't have significant chest hair and I don't care for gold medallions so moving to a hip look is also out
  • I don't have enough savings to support a coke habit
I might get lucky (not like that) though:  My mother had her (significant) mid-life crisis at 30 and my dad didn't really have one at all that I'm aware of.  Maybe I'll just breeze right on through 2011, my landmark year, without incident.

I don't know, though... according to Wikipedia, Miley Cyrus will be 18 by then...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Neva Morris, Oldest Living Person in the U.S., dies at 114

Ames, Iowa - Neva Morris (née Freed) died this morning at a nursing home in Ames.  She was 114.

114.

I'm 38 and I feel like shit most of the time.  How does it work out when you check in every morning at a buck-fourteen?  Everyone you knew throughout your life is dead, including, most likely, your kids, your spouse (unless you were using your head back in your 70s and picked up a newer model, ifyaknowhatimsayin') and all of your friends.  You're most likely blind, deaf, incontinent, and senile.  And those are all just the good things.  Here are some interesting factoids related to the life of Mrs. Morris.

  • The automobile wouldn't be patented for another three months after Neva was born.
  • The last living man born in 1895 died in September 2009, in Japan, at the age of 113.  I guess you've gotta vie for a newer model at that point.
  • The average Civil War veteran was in his mid-fifties in 1895.
  • Grover Cleveland (pictured) was serving his second non-consecutive term as President of the United States in 1895.  As you can see, that sweet 'stache wasn't just for NASCAR® fans back then.
  • Today, teenagers are legally allowed to drive an automobile in most U.S. States at the age of 16.  When Neva was 16, none of the 46 states required the driver of an automobile to have a license.
  • Neva was married for three years before the U.S. entered World War I.
  • She had four children - only one, her youngest, outlived her.  He is 82.
  • As a woman, Neva would not be given the right to vote in the United States until 1920 when she was 25 years old.  Until that time, only men were explicitly given the right to vote.
  • When the U.S. Stock Market crashed, Neva was 34 years old.
  • When the U.S. entered WWII, she was 46.
  • Televisions weren't common in households until Neva was in her 60s.
  • She surpassed the average life-span of an American woman in 1967 during the presidential administration of Lyndon B. Johnson.
  • Neva purchased her final car - a Mercury Marquis (surprise) - in 1985 at the age of 90.  She would continue to drive, accident free, for another five years before voluntarily giving it up.
  • Neva lived to see the rise and fall of Communism as an adult.
  • She was 100 years old when the Internet became commonly available to non-academics.
  • Using a base age of 16 years, Neva Morris is old enough to be the great great great great great great great-grandmother (or great⁷-grandmother) of a child born in 2010.
As of this writing, the oldest living human is Kama Chinen, born 10 May 1895 in Japan.  Ms. Chinen, who still resides in Japan, is 114 years, 332 days old.  The oldest living American is now Eunice Sanborn (b. 20 Jul 1896), 113, and the oldest living man is 113 year-old Walter Breuning (b. 21 Sep 1896) of Great Falls, Montana.  Wikipedia keeps a running list of supercentenarians here.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Conan Says "No" to Moving "Tonight" to Tomorrow

Conan O'Brien has announced that he will not take The Tonight Show to the 12:05am time slot as offered him by NBC. It was recently announced that Leno's new prime-time show would be canceled and a new half-hour Leno program would be aired at 11:35pm. Conan made the following statement today:

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky. That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.

Yours,

Conan


I applaude Conan for having the stones to stand up for what he believes in. He has a passion for The Tonight Show and for his craft that is laudable and commendable... and I like his hair, too.

Suspicious death at Lazy T Motel | WOOD TV8

Suspicious death at Lazy T Motel | WOOD TV8

Your host is involved in some 'spirited' comment banter at the foot of this story.

What interests me about reading the comments made by others here, and what motivated me to step in, is the blindness that so many people suffer when it pertains to people that they don't understand. It's not kosher to knock minorities anymore, but many, many people still harbor ill-will toward those who don't look like them - bigotry in its many forms rears its ugly head every day. These days racial bigotry has taken something of a back seat to homophobia and the belief that the less fortunate are simply 'lazy' or 'stupid'.

The 'fight' for and against gay marriage is a political hot topic right now, and one motivated - at least on the 'against' side - by a fundamental misunderstanding of the people actually involved: Gay people. The same can be said of the commentary by many on the above article. The truth is, they don't understand the poor, downtrodden and less fortunate. If they did, the hateful banter they've shared with us would never have entered their head in the first place.

Of course all of this is based on the assumption that people are fundamentally good. Some people are just jerks.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Dick Cheney Believes There Are Witches in Gambia

As some who have commented already have alluded to, placing the nearly 1 in 5 Americans who ostensibly still support the neo-cons and their agenda in the same camp as those who would support the search, arrest and subsequent trial of "witches" is not an altogether distant stretch. Although you are most certainly invoking a level of satire into your suggestion, the tragic mistakes of late-fifteenth century Salem, Mass. are not far removed from the mindsets of hundreds of thousands of twenty-first century Americans (many of whom, sadly, are surely wholly unaware of the existence of the Salem Witch Trials). If something akin to a series of "witch trials" happened today in, say, Easley, South Carolina, or Starkville, Mississippi, or anywhere else in America's bible-belt, I wouldn't be at all surprised to see many media outlets giving the event "serious" coverage while right-wing radio sings a chorus of support for the "extermination" of those who would be a threat to all of their fellow "God-fearing" Americans.
About Dick Cheney
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Briefs

GREENFIELD, Calif. – From the Associated Press: Police have arrested a Greenfield man for allegedly arranging to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage in exchange for $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat.

Police said they only learned of the deal after the 36-year-old man went to them to get his daughter back because payment wasn't made as promised. The man was arrested Sunday on suspicion of human trafficking.

Officers also arrested an 18-year-old man on suspicion of statutory rape. Investigators believe the girl went willingly with the man, but she's under California's legal age of consent and can't legally marry.

Police say arranged marriages involving underage girls have become a problem in this small Central Coast farming community.

As a father, there have admittedly been occasions when I would rather have had 100 cases of beer in my presence than my daughter (and some steaks to go along with the beer, are you kidding me?), but when I ponder selling her off, it usually involves convents or the like. Selling her off to someone who's primary goal is to plow her seems like kind of a dick thing to do...even with the steaks in the deal. -ed.





MUNCIE, Ind. – Also from the AP: A 26-year-old man and his father were arrested by an off-duty Muncie police officer after the man cut in line at a Wal-Mart store. A police report said Edward R. Pluhar Jr., of Frankfort, cut to the front of the line at the Wal-Mart service desk Sunday. What he didn't know was that Officer Chris Kirby was waiting in the line.

Kirby said Pluhar refused when asked to wait his turn. Pluhar's father, 61-year-old Edward R. Pluhar Sr., then asked Kirby if he wanted to step outside. That's when Kirby told the men he was a police officer.

Kirby followed the men into the parking lot where they scuffled. Other officers arrived and arrested both Kirbys.

They were released after posting bond. The Associated Press left a message at a listing for Pluhar in Frankfort seeking comment.

I lived in Muncie for 3 years. This story describes the ambiance of the city quite well. -ed.





ABOMEY, Benin - From Reuters: Voodoo priests in Benin offered sacrifices and prayers to gods and ancestors on Saturday to seek an end to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and to other wars in Africa and elsewhere in the world.

The small West African state sandwiched between Togo and Nigeria is the home of the ancient Voodoo religion, which was later carried by slaves to the Americas where it survives in different forms in countries like Brazil, Haiti and Cuba.

Addressing devotees at Abomey, 145 km (90 miles) north of Cotonou, voodoo high priest Dah Aligbonon referred to the conflict in Gaza during ceremonies to celebrate Benin's national voodoo day, a festival which draws hundreds of foreign visitors.

After sacrificing a cock, spilling its blood on the ground in honour of deities and ancestors, the high priest invoked their aid to end conflict in Gaza, in Somalia, in Democratic Republic of Congo and "everywhere where peace is under threat."

Well, what the heck. When decades of international diplomacy and negotiations don't work, why not try sacrificing a cock? What have you got to lose, right? Plus you get to fry ol' Foghorn up and put him away with a few cold brews after the sacrifice. It's really a win-win. -ed.


Monday, January 12, 2009

Teaching "Physical Education"

For decades, male teachers have had to take great cautions to protect themselves against false claims of inappropriate behavior toward the female students lest their names become plastered all over the local (and depending on the circumstances, state or national) media. Those teachers who actually did involve themselves in inappropriate activity were faced with public humiliation, loss of their careers, and even jail time. Most were sentenced to time in state prison.

Prior to "the age of the scandal" which began around the time of Watergate in 1974, an offending teacher was more likely quietly let go and perhaps moved to another town to live his life, perhaps legitimately, perhaps not. The school wasn't interested in the negative publicity, the offending teacher wasn't interested in becoming the subject of a lot of "talk" or a stain on his career, so everyone involved (excepting the victim) would oftentimes just sort of make it all "go away".

But these were the male teachers. What of the female teachers?

In 1986, when I was a sophomore in high-school, a fellow male student began having a sexual affair with a young female teacher. In fact, we were both in her class together during the time of the transgressions. Rumors started to circulate, starting in the football locker room as I recall, that the aforementioned student and teacher were "involved". The rumors then started to become whispers around the entire school - that So-and-so was sleeping with Miss So-and-so.

Then, finally, the day came when Miss So-and-so wasn't in class and was substituted with an older male teacher who introduced himself as our "substitute for the remainder of the semester". When asked what happened to Miss So-and-so, the substitute claimed not to know why she was no longer teaching at the school, only that he was asked to take over her classes immediately.

The offending student was conspicuously absent as well...for a few days anyway...until he returned looking slightly less animated than before and unwilling to talk about any of the events that had transpired. An energetic and animated kid, he returned after all that quiet and to himself.

And that was it. Teacher: gone. Student: tight-lipped.

That was then.

Today the stories of female teachers sleeping with male, and sometimes female, students hit the news cycle hard and fast. People eat up the stories about pretty young English or science or math teachers seducing 13, 14, 15 year old boys and all the crazy things that they "allegedly" do with them.

This week's story involves one Christine A. McCallum, an English teacher, of Rockland, Mass., who seduced a 13-year old boy and, according to the boy, had sex with him at least 300 times over the course of 18 months. Police have found evidence to prosecute McCallum, 29, for at least seven of these acts of congress of which they can produce proof of their having sex together. In Massachusetts, the charge against her is statutory rape, which under Massachusetts state law (M.G.L. c.265, sec. 13B - Indecent assault and battery on child under fourteen) states that:
Whoever commits an indecent assault and battery on a child under the age of fourteen shall be punished by imprisonment in the state prison for not more than ten years, or by imprisonment in a jail or house of correction for not more than two and one-half years; and whoever commits a second or subsequent such offense shall be punished by imprisonment in the state prison for life or any term of years; provided, however, that a prosecution commenced under the provisions of this section shall not be placed on file or continued without a finding.

No person serving a sentence for a second or subsequent such offense shall be eligible for furlough, temporary release, or education, training or employment programs established outside a correctional facility until such person shall have served two-thirds of such minimum sentence or if such person has two or more sentences to be served otherwise than concurrently, two-thirds of the aggregate of the minimum terms of such several sentences.


In other words, Mrs. McCallum isn't going to be quietly let go and told to find a job outside of the field of education. Things have changed for teachers, male or female, who have sex with their students.

Regardless, these stories are commonplace in the news today. Although the vast majority of teachers, male and female, are 100% legitimate in their code of ethics, those who aren't are being prosecuted at an alarming rate. The cause of this, I believe, is the internet. Text messages, e-mails, IMs - all are being used to prosecute offending teachers, whereas before these methods of communication were possible, only letters and recorded conversations could be used as evidence against an offender.

Here in Michigan, teacher Kristen Patrick (neé Margrif) was prosecuted for having sex with a 16-year old boy dozens of times. Although the age of consent in Michigan is 16, it becomes 18 if the older party is in a position of authority. Patrick was sentenced to three counts of second-degree criminal sexual conduct which were reduced to three counts of fourth-degree criminal sexual conduct, a misdemeanor, when she remained out of trouble for a year.

Elizabeth Marie Miklosovic, now 40, of South Haven, Mich. is serving 6-25 years in prison for "marrying" a 15-year old female student (who insisted that the relationship was consensual) in a pagan ceremony at a state park in Van Buren County.

A simple Google search will net hundreds of stories like these. There are dozens of web sites dedicated to following the cases of teacher-pedophiles.

Perhaps Miss Miklosovic should have consulted with Kristen Patrick and waited until the girl turned 16. Or the rest of us who suggest 18 to be a better age to start sexing people up. One year in age made the difference between probation and a long stay in prison. Three years difference would have resulted in a legal, although ethically questionable (due to the age difference), relationship between an 18-year old woman and a 40-year old woman.


The Robert Scott Correctional Facility in Plymouth.
Michigan's maximum security women's prison.


After being sentenced in 2005, Elizabeth Miklosovic will be eligible for parole on October 7, 2010. Kristen Patrick is on probation in Tuscola County, Michigan. Christine McCallum faces up to life in prison if convicted. All will remain on their state's sex offender registry for life.

My, how things have changed over the years.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Briefs


Washington, D.C. - Obama transition team officials confirmed Friday that "First Granny" Marian Robinson, the president-elect's mother-in-law, will be moving into the White House along with Mr. Obama, his wife Michelle and their two children, at least temporarily, to help smooth the family's transition from Chicago to Washington. Ms. Robinson was a regular fixture on the campaign trail helping to care for the children while Mr. and Mrs. Obama weathered the rigors of a nearly two-year campaign for president.

In a press conference an hour later, the transition team announced that President-Elect Obama will be moving the Oval Office to Honolulu, at least temporarily, while his mother-in-law helps smooth the family's transition from Chicago to Washington.




HOUSTON, Tex. – From the Associated Press: A Texas death row inmate with a history of mental problems pulled out his only good eye and told authorities he ate it.

Andre Thomas, 25, was arrested for the fatal stabbings of his estranged wife, their young son and her 13-month-old daughter in March 2004. Their hearts also had been ripped out. He was convicted and condemned for the infant's death.


While in the Grayson County Jail in Sherman, Thomas plucked out his right eye before his trial later in 2004. A judge subsequently ruled he was competent to stand trial.
A death-row officer at the Polunsky Unit of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice found Thomas in his cell with blood on his face and took him to the infirmary.

"Thomas said he pulled out his eye and subsequently ingested it," agency spokesman Jason Clark said Friday.

Thomas was treated at East Texas Medical Center in Tyler after the Dec. 9 incident. Then he was transferred and remains at the Jester Unit, a prison psychiatric facility near Richmond southwest of Houston.

"He will finally be able to receive the mental health care that we had wanted and begged for from day 1," Bobbie Peterson-Cate, Thomas' trial attorney, told the Sherman Herald Democrat. "He is insane and mentally ill. It is exactly the same reason he pulled out the last one."

At his trial, defense lawyers also argued he suffered from alcohol and drug abuse.

Thomas does not have an execution date.

The Texas Court of Criminal Appeals in October upheld his conviction and death sentence for the death of 13-month-old Leyha Marie Hughes. Also killed March 27, 2004, were his wife, Laura Christine Boren, 20, and their son, 4-year-old Andre Lee.

Thomas, from Texoma, walked into the Sherman Police Department and told a dispatcher he had just murdered the three and had stabbed himself in the chest.

Thomas told police how he put his victims' hearts in his pocket and left their apartment, took them home, put them in a plastic bag and threw them in the trash.
Court documents described the three victims as having "large, gaping wounds to their chests."




I got nothing to follow that with. Nothing.

Motherfucker rips out his own kids' hearts and eats his own eyeballs.

Whaddaya follow that with?



Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Presidents Meet for Lunch


Presidents George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush, Bill Clinton
and Jimmy Carter (not pictured) meet with President-Elect
Barack Obama for an historic meeting of all living U.S.
Presidents in the Oval Office on January 7, 2009. (Photo: AP)