The Arrival of Summer '10

One week down, roughly eleven more to go.

Summer vacay.  A time during which, in my youth, I would swim and play and ride my bike around town and just generally enjoy life.  I have very fond memories of summer vacation from when I was a lad.

Now I'm an adult - a stay-at-home-dad (SAHD) no less, and summer vacay means twelve weeks at home with an autistic 7-year old daughter and a <1-year old son.

Autism.

If the economy were better I would go back to work and put the kids in day-care at least part of the time, but day-care for autistic kids is really hard to find and really expensive.  Tack on the second kid and I need to pull down about $20,000 a year just to break even on full-time child-care.  Here in Michigan there are doctoral grads working as assistant-managers at Best Buy, so with my paltry B.A., chances at employment that doesn't involve manual labor for $7/hr. on 2nd-3rd shift are slim.

So here I am.

The first week was really tough, but next week is a partial (the girl-child's birthday is on Friday and her mother is taking Thursday and Friday off) and there are rumors floating around that the kids are going to their maternal grandparents' for a week after that.

The next full week, then, will be in July.  I can dig that.

*Cartoon ©Jeff Langcaon / Island Insights (Hawaii)

Hanna Montana and My Impending Doom

My daughter left for school this morning at 8:40am sharp.  We were watching The Disney Channel® before she left and I'm sad to say that it is now 3:02pm and The Disney Channel® is still on.  I don't have a good explanation for this.

I just watched an episode of Hanna Montana® (without sound) in which both Vicki Lawrence and Dolly Parton were featured (along with the curiosity Billy Ray Cyrus, of course).  I still haven't picked up on the blonde/brunette thing that Miley/Hannah has got going on - is it a Clark Kent/Superman sorta thing by which "fans" don't recognize that the two are one and the same (I love that gag BTW).  My daughter is going to be asking me these questions soon so I should probably drift on over to Wikipedia and brush up on the who's and what's of the Hanna Montana® program.  The idea of this scares me though because Miley Cyrus was probably born after I graduated from college which would bum me out something serious.

The thought of age has crossed my mind more often than usual recently.  I'm approaching a certain unnamed landmark age at which many men (and women) experience what has come to be known as the mid-life crisis, or the "trade-'er-in-on-a-younger-model" watershed.  I have to come up with a plan for this though because

• I already own a Corvette
• My marriage has been goofed up since the mid '00s so I can't really screw that up much worse
• Although I like looking at younger women, they still don't come equipped with a remote control and a mute-button so that's out
• I don't have significant chest hair and I don't care for gold medallions so moving to a hip look is also out
• I don't have enough savings to support a coke habit

I might get lucky (not like that) though:  My mother had her (significant) mid-life crisis at 30 and my dad didn't really have one at all that I'm aware of.  Maybe I'll just breeze right on through 2011, my landmark year, without incident.

I don't know, though... according to Wikipedia, Miley Cyrus will be 18 by then...

Neva Morris, Oldest Living Person in the U.S., dies at 114

Ames, Iowa - Neva Morris (née Freed) died this morning at a nursing home in Ames.  She was 114.

114.

I'm 38 and I feel like shit most of the time.  How does it work out when you check in every morning at a buck-fourteen?  Everyone you knew throughout your life is dead, including, most likely, your kids, your spouse (unless you were using your head back in your 70s and picked up a newer model, ifyaknowhatimsayin') and all of your friends.  You're most likely blind, deaf, incontinent, and senile.  And those are all just the good things.  Here are some interesting factoids related to the life of Mrs. Morris.

• The automobile wouldn't be patented for another three months after Neva was born.
• The last living man born in 1895 died in September 2009, in Japan, at the age of 113.  I guess you've gotta vie for a newer model at that point.
• The average Civil War veteran was in his mid-fifties in 1895.
• Grover Cleveland (pictured) was serving his second non-consecutive term as President of the United States in 1895.  As you can see, that sweet 'stache wasn't just for NASCAR® fans back then.
• Today, teenagers are legally allowed to drive an automobile in most U.S. States at the age of 16.  When Neva was 16, none of the 46 states required the driver of an automobile to have a license.
• Neva was married for three years before the U.S. entered World War I.
• She had four children - only one, her youngest, outlived her.  He is 82.
• As a woman, Neva would not be given the right to vote in the United States until 1920 when she was 25 years old.  Until that time, only men were explicitly given the right to vote.
• When the U.S. Stock Market crashed, Neva was 34 years old.
• When the U.S. entered WWII, she was 46.
• Televisions weren't common in households until Neva was in her 60s.
• She surpassed the average life-span of an American woman in 1967 during the presidential administration of Lyndon B. Johnson.
• Neva purchased her final car - a Mercury Marquis (surprise) - in 1985 at the age of 90.  She would continue to drive, accident free, for another five years before voluntarily giving it up.
• Neva lived to see the rise and fall of Communism as an adult.
• She was 100 years old when the Internet became commonly available to non-academics.
• Using a base age of 16 years, Neva Morris is old enough to be the great great great great great great great-grandmother (or great⁷-grandmother) of a child born in 2010.

As of this writing, the oldest living human is Kama Chinen, born 10 May 1895 in Japan.  Ms. Chinen, who still resides in Japan, is 114 years, 332 days old.  The oldest living American is now Eunice Sanborn (b. 20 Jul 1896), 113, and the oldest living man is 113 year-old Walter Breuning (b. 21 Sep 1896) of Great Falls, Montana.  Wikipedia keeps a running list of supercentenarians here.

Conan Says "No" to Moving "Tonight" to Tomorrow

Conan O'Brien has announced that he will not take The Tonight Show to the 12:05am time slot as offered him by NBC. It was recently announced that Leno's new prime-time show would be canceled and a new half-hour Leno program would be aired at 11:35pm. Conan made the following statement today:

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky. That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

I applaude Conan for having the stones to stand up for what he believes in. He has a passion for The Tonight Show and for his craft that is laudable and commendable... and I like his hair, too.

Suspicious death at Lazy T Motel | WOOD TV8

Suspicious death at Lazy T Motel | WOOD TV8

Your host is involved in some 'spirited' comment banter at the foot of this story.

What interests me about reading the comments made by others here, and what motivated me to step in, is the blindness that so many people suffer when it pertains to people that they don't understand. It's not kosher to knock minorities anymore, but many, many people still harbor ill-will toward those who don't look like them - bigotry in its many forms rears its ugly head every day. These days racial bigotry has taken something of a back seat to homophobia and the belief that the less fortunate are simply 'lazy' or 'stupid'.

The 'fight' for and against gay marriage is a political hot topic right now, and one motivated - at least on the 'against' side - by a fundamental misunderstanding of the people actually involved: Gay people. The same can be said of the commentary by many on the above article. The truth is, they don't understand the poor, downtrodden and less fortunate. If they did, the hateful banter they've shared with us would never have entered their head in the first place.

Of course all of this is based on the assumption that people are fundamentally good. Some people are just jerks.